Where's Carl?

This funny post went up yesterday on the rumor-laden, and Curt-Schilling-and-Peter-Gammons-favorite, web site The Boston Dirt Dogs:

[Free agent and Florida Marlins pitcher Carl] Pavano sightings are more frequent than Elvis appearances. Boston, New York, Baltimore, Detroit, and Seattle are just a few of the destinations on his whistle stop tour. Really, if John Kerry had gone to as many cities as Pavano, he might be president-elect. Although his agent intends to talk to Anaheim, Carl passed on a trip to Disneyland. After all, after a tour with the Marlins, and the superior Disney World, what would Carl want out there? ...

Let’s review the major reasons why Pavano should choose the Boston Red Sox. First, John Henry will promise to invest your money. We’re not talking about bringing chump change to Foxwoods, Carl. We’re talking about a guy who is as close to a modern Midas as they come. Second, we really want to solidify Fenway as the destination of choice for residents of the Nutmeg State. Third, we acknowledge Connecticut as the college hoop capital of the universe, and want Boston to be known as the Baseball Hub of the universe in this century, the one that counts. Fourth, we’re talking mega run support. With any luck, you could be getting seven runs a start. Ask Derek Lowe. Maybe not. Fifth, we know what you really crave isn’t money or respect, but professional development. With the tutelage of Monsieur Schilling and maybe Pedro Martinez, you can take your game to the next level, drug free. Besides, if you won’t come here, we know some unnamed guys who’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.

Hee hee, they said "Nutmeg State".